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Turning 25 - A page from my personal diary!



Exactly a week to go and I will blow the 25th candle off my birthday cake. Like every year I started my count down three months ago but as the day is approaching I feel numb. I want to run away, sit on the beach and look back at the 25 years of my life (There is so much to think). And some of my darling friends have ensured that I do exactly that.

It is not the usual feeling; I did not feel any different turning 18 and getting the legal right to vote or completing my teens and turning 20. Today I fear that the excuse of being a child at heart will soon expire and become invalid. I will have to talk responsibly, act and walk my age. Recently I met two of my new born nieces and there was the bell ring that the next generation is here and you are not the youngest in the family anymore.

There are so many small things that I learnt sitting next to Aata (Grand dad) during his evening cup of tea and sleeping next to Aita (Grand Mom) as a kid. Traditions and culture were handed over; I learnt so many Saraswati bandanas, traditional stories (my favorite being Tejimola). I want to recap and re-learn to keep the values and the oral family history with me. However, there are so many things that I want to unlearn. I want to unlearn all the opinions (negative ones specially) that I have formed, I want to unlearn the caste habits which I grew up seeing, I want to unlearn the religious differences which I learnt from society.

At a very young age there was also a fire that grew within me, even though I vouch that I grew up in a family where there is no intentional gender discrimination and I am a super pampered girl of the family, I still felt the gender inequality in the wider society. I don’t want that fire to die.
I am a very careless human being. I feel bad recalling the list. There have been numerous Tiffin boxes, water bottles, school bags, head umbrella (which was very unique and different)  four wallets, one phone. I feel very guilty yet I do not know how to cure.  Over time, my parents and close ones have become strong to accept me and all my faults.

I want to cherish and realize how lucky a child I have been. I have never been stopped from pursuing anything that I want, thanks to all the hard work that my parents have put in and the argumentative mind that I am born with (tennis, art school, graphics, table tennis, swimming, French class and now recently Zumba) I have tried my luck at almost everything! I want to cherish the values that they have imbibed in me. They took me around the countries, made me wear the best of clothes but they knew where to tighten the hold. I was always accountable for almost every penny that I spent ( I know I have cribbed so much about it, yet somewhere I am happy that this taught me the value for money).

Ma has taught me all the other subjects in school but my interest in my favorite subject- I think I give Deta the credit for it.  He never taught me politics from books but we have had so many discussions over the history of political parties to the current affairs. If someday I do land up fulfilling what I now think as a bizarre dream of entering into politics, here lies the root of it.But there is a power in the tremendous faith that my mother shows and I believe in that power more than any supernatural powers. I am yet to capitalize on it and make the big jump.

There are so many things that I unknowingly learnt from the people who stepped into my life at various points of time. Friends who became close for few years and then the distance widened. Friends who were distant earlier but became close with time. There are people who are not in my life anymore and I need to gracefully accept that. There are also people who love me so dearly and I do not show but know and feel it. (my cousins, the mad little cousin sister, the best friend and few more!)

Keeping all this in mind, there is a fear on the way ahead. The interest and needs have changed from chocolates, movies and clothes to thinking if I should invest in a washing machine or a car. There are other worries of meeting the already declared yearly savings target. There is then this calculation of years, should I go ahead and dedicate five years to my PhD now? or should I gather some work experience and figure out where exactly I want to land.

Then there are concerns of putting on weight, is it the age or the junk food I am yet to confirm. I have also grown from a girl who used to eat only to live to someone who enjoys food and different cuisines (there are two very close friends who argue on the share of credit for making me taste and enjoy food, I give it to both of you equally!) I already saw one strand of grey hair; I hope it does not multiply now.

These are just the initial thoughts and there is so much more to cherish and think listening to the constant sound of waves hitting the shore with music in my ears and few pieces of fried fish and prawns in my hand.

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