I work to conduct research on
Violence Against Women, we research on causes of violence, consequences of
violence and even go to remote areas to understand how violence is perceived
and while doing all this your own brain is also constantly thinking.
It is indeed disturbing when you
see Domestic Violence shrouded in a social culture of shame and silence where
most women are socialized to accept, tolerate, and even rationalize domestic
violence and to remain silent about such experiences. They are socially humiliated
and called a shame if they go to the police station for help. I have had
sleepless nights after hearing such stories of physical and emotional violence
and seeing woman so badly beaten up black and blue by their drunkard husbands.
What I am saying is not something that happens in remote corners but actually a very common occurrence in both rural and urban areas. In a recent study conducted by Dasra[1] it was found that 50-70% of women in India face some form of domestic violence and only 2% of victims approach the police.57% of boys and 53% of girls aged 15-19 believe that wife-beating is acceptable and 75% of Indian women who have reported domestic violence have attempted suicide. It is sad that family members are the biggest perpetrators of violence.
Hold on! No, I am not someone who blames men for it. These are social norms and they are equally accepted by everyone who is a part of the society. And I strongly feel what needs to change is social mind set of both men and women. It is not a battle of the sexes. I have a loving father, brother and a partner, yet they are a part of the society too.
I do not want to go deep into my research findings and sound boring here but what I want to share is a thought that I have been holding for few years now. I often used to wonder why is domestic violence (violence perpetrated by the family) the biggest form of violence against women?And I have come to realize that one big way social norms are normalized and passed on from one generation to another is by culture.
Culture excites me. History fascinates me. Right as a kid, I took interest in the beauty of culture and traditions. I learnt Saraswati slokas, read about the history, mythology and I am an ardent believer that the beauty of culture and tradition needs to go down the generation. I have also spent a lot of my early years with my grandparents understanding the significance of many traditional practices. Yet, I also do not agree to blindly follow any tradition.
It is the same culture and tradition which ensures that woman has a lower place in the household. And why not? I was in Uttar Pradesh where they were celebrating Gudiya Pitai- a tradition where they used to beat up daughters and wives for being talkative and gossip mongers. It is still celebrated in today’s age but with girl toys.
In large part of India, married woman still wear the tatoo called ‘Sita ki Rasoi’ – a tattoo which is printed on every married woman the day she gets married which signifies that she is in charge of the Rasoi and is a Sita (whatever that means!) and that is her formal entry to the new household.
We have obviously seen fascinating debates on Karva Chauth, where the woman fasts for the long life of the husband and her long life is obviously of no one’s concern.
Then there are new ways of accepting temple prostitution. Just think what must have been the families of those girls thinking when they sent their own daughters to Ram Rahim. It almost feels like girls are the most useless thing that you can immediately donate/sacrifice in case need be.
What I am saying is not something that happens in remote corners but actually a very common occurrence in both rural and urban areas. In a recent study conducted by Dasra[1] it was found that 50-70% of women in India face some form of domestic violence and only 2% of victims approach the police.57% of boys and 53% of girls aged 15-19 believe that wife-beating is acceptable and 75% of Indian women who have reported domestic violence have attempted suicide. It is sad that family members are the biggest perpetrators of violence.
Hold on! No, I am not someone who blames men for it. These are social norms and they are equally accepted by everyone who is a part of the society. And I strongly feel what needs to change is social mind set of both men and women. It is not a battle of the sexes. I have a loving father, brother and a partner, yet they are a part of the society too.
I do not want to go deep into my research findings and sound boring here but what I want to share is a thought that I have been holding for few years now. I often used to wonder why is domestic violence (violence perpetrated by the family) the biggest form of violence against women?And I have come to realize that one big way social norms are normalized and passed on from one generation to another is by culture.
Culture excites me. History fascinates me. Right as a kid, I took interest in the beauty of culture and traditions. I learnt Saraswati slokas, read about the history, mythology and I am an ardent believer that the beauty of culture and tradition needs to go down the generation. I have also spent a lot of my early years with my grandparents understanding the significance of many traditional practices. Yet, I also do not agree to blindly follow any tradition.
It is the same culture and tradition which ensures that woman has a lower place in the household. And why not? I was in Uttar Pradesh where they were celebrating Gudiya Pitai- a tradition where they used to beat up daughters and wives for being talkative and gossip mongers. It is still celebrated in today’s age but with girl toys.
In large part of India, married woman still wear the tatoo called ‘Sita ki Rasoi’ – a tattoo which is printed on every married woman the day she gets married which signifies that she is in charge of the Rasoi and is a Sita (whatever that means!) and that is her formal entry to the new household.
We have obviously seen fascinating debates on Karva Chauth, where the woman fasts for the long life of the husband and her long life is obviously of no one’s concern.
Then there are new ways of accepting temple prostitution. Just think what must have been the families of those girls thinking when they sent their own daughters to Ram Rahim. It almost feels like girls are the most useless thing that you can immediately donate/sacrifice in case need be.
We also pay huge dowries to get our daughters married as if
you are giving someone a burden of yours and so desperately want to get rid of
that burden that you are ready to even pay for it. We also practice a tradition
of Kanyadaan where daughters are given as daan and by the way my little research
on this says that the choice is that you either donate a cow ‘gaudaan’ or your daughter.
And this will purify parents of their sins of this birth and the previous one.
Now if these are the traditions we all practice, we are
automatically lowering the status of women in the family. And then if you are a
lower human being and you have only been given as a daan or you are suppose to
be the Sita of the Rasoi, how can you complain of wife beating if you do not
cook a perfect meal?
Even if the constitution gives equal rights, do we have the space in our society to practice it?
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